


The Space Between

by ChronicallyAce



Category: Kamen Rider Build
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Naked Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:01:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChronicallyAce/pseuds/ChronicallyAce
Summary: Kazumi loses sleep thinking about what he's gained, what he's lost, and what he still has to lose. Thankfully, Sento and Ryuuga are there to reassure him.
Relationships: Banjou Ryuuga/Kiryuu Sento/Sawatari Kazumi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	The Space Between

**Author's Note:**

> Woooow. I've been out of the fanfiction game for over 10 years, but here I am, back on my shit. Looks like I still eat angst and fluff for breakfast. Also I'm totally not terrified to post this or anything. My partner didn't taunt me and tell me not to be a coward. Nope. All totally normal here.
> 
> Seriously, though, I haven't had a Kamen Rider hit me this hard in a while. Build was an emotional rollercoaster. Of course, for me, it never hurts when Takeda Kouhei is involved.
> 
> Anyway, here's some totally and unabashed self-gratifying fluff. I regret nothing.

Kazumi was still surprised every time he awoke to find Sento and Ryuuga in bed with him. He'd slept alone for so long that it had become a matter of course, and he had yet to adjust to his new sleeping arrangement. It wasn't like he had never shared a bed with anyone, but Kazumi had never felt comfortable or safe enough to make it a regular occurrence. When the loneliness set in, Kazumi had occasionally sought out companionship, but never for anything more than sex, and never for more than a night. Sex was simple, and it was safer to spend one night with a stranger than to open himself up to anything more. It would hurt less in the end.

Neither Sento nor Ryuuga had received the memo on that. It didn't matter how much Kazumi had intended to keep them at arm's length. They just kept punching through his defenses. The walls he had carefully constructed around his heart may as well have been built out of tissue paper for all the good they did him now.

It wasn't bad, though, having them there. In fact, Kazumi thought he could get used to it. That thought scared him. The more attached he grew to Sento and Ryuuga, the more he knew it would destroy him if he lost either one of them. Kazumi had already lost so much. He didn't know how he would be able to survive if he failed to protect them.

Thinking about it was overwhelming to the point of pain, so Kazumi tried not to. Instead, he focused on the feeling of Sento's body pressed against his back. The scientist was sound asleep, his arm wrapped snugly around Kazumi's chest. Kazumi could feel his slow, even breaths against the back of his neck. He focused on the warmth of Ryuuga's solid chest against his cheek, the slow rise and fall that had lulled him to sleep just a few hours earlier. Ryuuga was curled as if he could encapsulate both Kazumi and Sento with his body, his arm stretched across Kazumi, hand pressed to the small of Sento's back. His leg was hooked around one of Kazumi's.

Kazumi had never asked to be in the middle like this, but they slept this way most nights. Sometimes it would be Ryuuga pressed to his back instead of Sento. Sometimes Sento would wrap Kazumi up in his arms and let him drift off to sleep with his head on his chest while Ryuuga feathered kisses along his shoulders and back. But no matter how they slept, they almost always slept on either side of him, as if by some unspoken agreement. Kazumi didn't know why. He only knew that nothing in the world had ever made him feel so safe.

"Kazumin?" Ryuuga's voice was hushed. Sluggish. "Something wrong?"

Kazumi hadn't realized that Ryuuga was awake. The question had his lips twitching upward into a smile, though. What wasn't wrong? All three of them had plenty of reasons to lie awake at night.

Kazumi pressed his lips to Ryuuga's chest. "No," he murmured. "Go back to sleep."

Ryuuga ignored him, as he ignored most sensible requests. Carefully so as not to disturb Sento, he shifted down so he was face-to-face with Kazumi. Gently, he let his hand slip from around Sento so he could stroke Kazumi's cheek. Kazumi traced a path up Ryuuga's back with his fingertips.

"Talk to me," Ryuuga said.

Kazumi didn't want to talk. Giving voice to the things in his head felt as if it would make them too real. As if it would make all of his fears manifest. Kazumi searched Ryuuga's eyes in the darkness and felt something inside of him crumbling. He had to drop his gaze before it became too much. What would he do when this war took Ryuuga from him? When it took Sento? How many graves could one man dig with his own two hands before he had to dig his own?

"Hey." Ryuuga seized Kazumi's chin, forcing him to look at him again. "I don't know where you just went in your head, but don't."

Kazumi shushed him. "Sento's asleep," he mumbled.

Ryuuga was having none of it. "Kazumi," he said, his voice stern.

Kazumi closed his eyes. After what felt like a long time, he whispered, "I'm scared." It was like an admission of guilt.

"Scared of what?"

Kazumi pressed his lips together like it might keep the words trapped in his mouth. Kazumi was the one who had to be strong. He was the one who had to make the hard choices, who had to fight to protect the things and the people he cared about. Kazumi didn't get to be scared.

If Ryuuga was frustrated or impatient, he didn't show it. But he also didn't relent. "You can tell me," he said. "I'm here for you."

"That's why I'm scared." The words spilled out before Kazumi could stop them. His chest felt tight, like his lungs were in a vice. "How long before you're not here anymore? Before you, or Sento…."

Understanding passed over Ryuuga's face. For a while, though, he was silent. In the silence, he touched Kazumi, hand straying to stroke the back of his neck. In spite of himself, Kazumi tugged him closer. Ryuuga moved willingly, molding their bodies together the best that he could. Kazumi was startled when he felt Sento's arm tighten around him, and he wondered when the deep, even breathing against his neck had changed.

Sento had heard it too. Kazumi felt stupid for the embarrassment that washed through him, but not as stupid as he did for admitting his fears in the first place. He shouldn't be weak like this, not even in front of the two of them. He  _ couldn't _ be.

"I'm scared, too," Ryuuga said at last. "When Kasumi died, it hurt so much… I didn't want to ever love someone like that again. When I realized I was starting to have feelings for Sento…."

"He tried to run away from them like an idiot," Sento observed, lips moving against Kazumi's neck. There was more affection in his voice than there was exasperation.

Ryuuga shot him a withering look over Kazumi's shoulder, but it was half-assed at best. "I was terrified of losing him," he went on. "Sometimes I still am." He smiled, softly. "Just like I'm scared of losing you, Kazumin."

A lump rose in Kazumi's throat. For some reason, he had never thought that Sento or Ryuuga might be just as afraid of losing him as he was of them. It only made sense. All of their lives had holes in them where precious people and things had once fit. There were things that would never, could never be replaced. Even if the war ended tomorrow, the holes would still be there. The fear would still be there.

“I don’t want to be scared,” Kazumi said. “I’m not supposed to—I’m—”

It was Sento’s turn to shush Kazumi. “You’re not supposed to be anything,” he said. The statement came out in a know-it-all tone that Sento used when he was explaining what he considered to be inalienable facts. Typically those facts were related to complex scientific concepts—the sort that made Ryuuga’s eyes cross. Kazumi usually found that and the subsequent frustration on Ryuuga's part amusing as hell, but he did not enjoy having the tone turned on him.

“Yes, I am,” Kazumi argued. “I have to protect you. Both of you.” Tears threatened to fall, but Kazumi refused to allow it. He was ashamed enough as it was. “I have to keep you safe, like I should've…."

_ Like I should've kept them safe. _

Shuuya. Shoukichi. Masaru. Not a day went by that Kazumi didn't see them in his mind's eye. Dying in his arms. Dying right in front of him. Dying because he had been too reckless, too weak, too late. Not a day went by that he didn't hate himself for failing them. They had deserved so much better.

Sento and Ryuuga knew what he had left unsaid, Kazumi was sure. Neither one called attention to the way he trailed off, though. Some things didn't need to be said. Some things were too painful to put into words.

“Why do you have to bear that responsibility alone?” Sento asked, kissing Kazumi’s neck.

“Yeah,” Ryuuga agreed, stroking Kazumi’s hair. “You don’t have to do it all by yourself. We can all protect each other.”

Sento nodded. “You have to stop trying to carry everything on your shoulders.”

A few tears escaped in spite of Kazumi’s best efforts. “I can’t,” he whispered. “I don’t know how.”

If Kazumi released himself from any part of that responsibility, that also meant he was releasing some of his control over the situation. In a world where so much was out of his control, holding on to what little illusion of control that he had was as comforting as it was terrifying. The burden was heavy, but it was his security blanket, and he couldn’t let it go.

“Like this,” Ryuuga said, and Kazumi caught the upward curve of his lips in the dim light. Not for the first time, Kazumi found himself thinking how beautiful Ryuuga was when he smiled. “You talk to us. Tell us how you’re feeling. Every time you do, we take a little bit off your shoulders and carry it on ours.”

Kazumi was at a loss for words. He had never had anyone do that for him before. Even with the Three Crows, he had done his best to keep them in the dark, to keep everything close to his chest. They had known anyway, of course, but that wasn’t the point. Kazumi had never talked to them the way he was talking to Sento and Ryuuga now. He had never allowed himself to be truly vulnerable with them. With anyone.

“Thank you,” Kazumi said, the words splintering on their way out of him. There was no stopping the tears now, and Kazumi failed to swallow a sob. “Fuck,” he whimpered.

Ryuuga shifted again, guiding Kazumi’s head to his shoulder. He worked his arms around both Kazumi and Sento, and Sento stretched his arm out to help pull Ryuuga closer. Kazumi felt so stupid for crying, and even stupider for thinking that he fit here. Ryuuga and Sento wrapped perfectly around him, as if he had been made to fit right here between them.

“I love you,” Kazumi sobbed. “Sento. Ryuuga. I love you both so fucking much.”

“We love you too,” Sento said, his voice thick with emotion in a way that he rarely allowed. Kazumi had realized early on that Sento liked to show his pain as little as Kazumi did. “Very much.”

“That’s goddamn right,” Ryuuga said. Kazumi could hear the tears in his voice, too. “We’re yours and you’re ours, Kazumin. Forever.”

Ryuuga pulled back enough that he could kiss Kazumi, as if to seal that sweet promise. Kazumi reached to cup the back of Ryuuga’s head and kissed him in return. He kissed Ryuuga hard, fighting to take as much from that kiss as he could, and Ryuuga willingly gave him what he needed from it. After a moment, Kazumi broke the kiss so he could twist around. Sento was already pushing himself up on an elbow so that he could meet Kazumi’s mouth with his own.

After a few moments, Kazumi pulled away. He curled his fingers tight in Ryuuga’s hair, lying back against the pillows and watching as Sento and Ryuuga leaned over him to kiss each other. He settled on his back so he could get an arm around each of them. Ryuuga stretched out against his side, resting his head on his shoulder. Sento leaned in to kiss Kazumi's forehead before doing the same. Kazumi sucked in a deep, shaking breath, then let it out slowly. He felt some of the tension exit his body along with it.

Ryuuga entwined his fingers with Sento's, resting their hands against Kazumi's bare chest. Kazumi smiled a tired smile, giving them both a gentle squeeze. He stared up at the ceiling for a long time, long after Sento and Ryuuga had slipped back into sleep.

_ Just let me have this _ , he thought. He didn’t know who he was asking. Kazumi didn’t pray, and he didn’t know what deity would listen if he tried. All he could do was ask, plead, beg whoever or whatever would listen.

_ Don’t take this away from me _ .


End file.
